You’ve been told you’re “too sensitive,” “too intense,” or “impossible to deal with.” Maybe relationships keep falling apart in the same ways. Maybe you feel like you’re constantly at war with yourself or everyone around you. At some point, you start to wonder: Is something actually wrong with me?
If you’ve been asking yourself whether you might have a personality disorder, you’re not alone. And the fact that you’re even asking the question means you’re paying attention to patterns that might need professional support.
The Short Answer
A personality disorder is more than having a “difficult” personality. It’s a long-standing pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaving that causes real problems in your relationships, work, and sense of self, and doesn’t go away on its own. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 9% of U.S. adults have some form of personality disorder. If your patterns of behavior have been consistent since adolescence or early adulthood and cause ongoing distress, it’s worth getting a psychiatric evaluation to find out what’s going on.
What Is a Personality Disorder, Exactly?
Your personality is how you think, feel, and relate to others. It’s shaped by genetics, childhood experiences, and environment. Most people have quirks, strong preferences, or traits that others find challenging, but that doesn’t mean they have a disorder.
A personality disorder is different. It’s a deeply ingrained pattern that:
- Developed in adolescence or early adulthood and has stayed consistent over time
- Affects at least two of these areas: how you think about yourself and others, how you respond emotionally, how you relate to people, or how you control impulses
- Causes significant problems in your relationships, work, or daily life
- Isn’t explained by another mental health condition, substance use, or medical issue
The DSM-5 (the manual used by mental health professionals) identifies ten specific personality disorders, grouped into three “clusters” based on shared traits. You can learn more about these on our personality disorder treatment page.
Signs You Might Have a Personality Disorder
Personality disorders show up in patterns—not isolated incidents. Here are some signs that what you’re experiencing might be more than just personality quirks:
Relationship Patterns That Keep Repeating
- You cycle between idealizing people and feeling deeply betrayed or disappointed by them
- Relationships tend to be intense and unstable—or you avoid close relationships entirely
- You have a strong fear of abandonment that affects how you act in relationships
- People often tell you that you’re “too much” or “hard to be around.”
Emotional Patterns That Feel Uncontrollable
- Your emotions are intense and can shift quickly—sometimes in response to things others consider minor
- You feel empty, numb, or disconnected from yourself on a regular basis
- Anger or irritability feels disproportionate to the situation, but is hard to control
- You struggle with chronic feelings of shame, worthlessness, or self-hatred
Behavioral Patterns That Cause Problems
- Impulsive decisions, spending, sex, substance use, quitting jobs, that you later regret
- Self-destructive behavior, including self-harm
- Difficulty trusting others, or trusting people too quickly
- A pattern of conflict with authority figures, coworkers, or loved ones
Self-Perception That Feels Unstable
- You’re not sure who you really are; your sense of identity shifts depending on who you’re with
- You feel fundamentally different from other people, like you don’t belong anywhere
- You have an inflated sense of your own importance, or the opposite, a deep sense of inadequacy
What Makes It a Disorder vs. Just a Personality Trait?
Everyone has personality traits that can be challenging. The difference between a trait and a disorder comes down to three things:
Duration: The pattern has been present for years, not weeks or months.
Pervasiveness: It shows up across multiple areas of your life, relationships, work, and self-image, not just in one situation.
Distress or impairment: It causes real suffering for you or the people around you, and it interferes with your ability to function.
If you’re introverted and prefer being alone, that’s a trait. If you’re so mistrustful of others that you can’t maintain any relationships and it’s affecting your job and mental health, that might be something more.
You're Not Broken—But You Might Need Support
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself, you might feel a mix of things: relief that there’s a name for what you’re experiencing, fear of being “labeled,” or frustration that it’s taken this long to understand what’s been going on.
Here’s what matters: having a personality disorder doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It means your brain developed certain patterns—often as a way to cope with difficult circumstances, that are now causing problems. Those patterns can change with the right help.
Personality disorders are some of the most stigmatized mental health conditions. But they’re also treatable. People with borderline personality disorder, for example, often see significant improvement with therapy. The key is getting an accurate diagnosis so you can access the right kind of support.
How Personality Disorders Are Treated
Treatment for personality disorders typically involves therapy, often a specific type like dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for borderline personality disorder, or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for others. Therapy helps you understand your patterns, develop healthier coping strategies, and improve relationships.
Medication isn’t a direct treatment for personality disorders, but it can help manage symptoms that often come along with them, like depression, anxiety, or mood instability. At MindWell, we offer medication management to address these symptoms while you work on the deeper patterns in therapy.
We also offer genetic testing to help identify which medications are most likely to work for your specific biology, so you’re not stuck in a trial-and-error process for months.
When Should You Get Help?
If the patterns described in this article sound familiar—and they’ve been affecting your life for years, not just during a stressful period—it’s worth talking to a professional.
A psychiatric evaluation can help you understand what’s going on. It’s not about getting a label, it’s about getting clarity so you can access the right treatment.
At MindWell, we offer same-day appointments and a judgment-free environment. Whether you’re dealing with a personality disorder, depression, anxiety, or something you can’t quite name yet, we’re here to help you figure it out.
Schedule an appointment and let’s talk about what’s going on.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you have a personality disorder and not know it?
Yes. Many people with personality disorders don’t realize they have one because their patterns feel “normal” to them; they’ve been that way for as long as they can remember. Often, it’s repeated relationship problems or feedback from others that prompts someone to seek help.
What's the difference between a personality disorder and depression or anxiety?
Depression and anxiety are mood disorders, they affect how you feel and can come and go in episodes. Personality disorders are patterns of thinking and behaving that are consistent over time and affect multiple areas of life. That said, many people with personality disorders also experience depression or anxiety.
Can personality disorders be cured?
“Cured” isn’t quite the right word, but personality disorders can absolutely improve with treatment. Many people see significant changes in their symptoms and quality of life with the right therapy. Some people no longer meet the diagnostic criteria after years of treatment.
How do I know if I need a psychiatrist or a therapist?
Both can help. A psychiatrist can diagnose personality disorders, rule out other conditions, and prescribe medication if needed. A therapist (especially one trained in DBT or CBT) provides the ongoing therapy that’s central to treatment. Many people work with both.
What if I have traits of multiple personality disorders?
This is common. Many people have traits from more than one personality disorder, or they meet criteria for more than one diagnosis. A thorough evaluation can help sort out what’s going on and guide treatment.
Does MindWell treat personality disorders?
Yes. We provide psychiatric evaluations, medication management for co-occurring symptoms, and can coordinate care with therapists who specialize in personality disorder treatment. Contact us to learn more.
